Tien it comes
to giving, I’m
an addict of
altruism. I
love passing
along a few bucks to someone down
on their luck. “Thank you,” they say.
“God bless.” Once, a woman sang me a
song, right there on the subway. She
said I had beautiful eyes. That warm
glow stayed with me for days.
I
know what it’s like to do
something nice for someone and get
that immediately gratifying feedback.
But what if no one knew it was me?
What if I practiced the longheld
spiritual tradition that holds that
giving just for giving’s sake is a high
and noble goal? Would it still be as
rewarding? Or was I missing the point
by expecting it to be rewarding? I didn’t
want my giving to be all about me
instead of those to whom I was giving.
That was my mission—to spend
one week as an undercover agent of
kindness. It turned out to be much
more difficult than I thought.
A FALSE START
In my first attempt at anonymity, I
dropped two pots of gardenias off
at a nearby nursing home, asking
the woman at the front desk to give
them to residents who needed them
most. She looked puzzled.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m performing random acts of
kindness,” I explained.
‘Tou’re what? Who are you with?”
“No one. I’m just trying to spread
some sunshine.”
“OK then,” she said, more than a
little dismissively. I left before she
called security.
Back in the car, I felt foolish, very
unlike my usual acts of goodwill. I
wondered if it was a waste of time
and money, but then I thought back
to a phone conversation I had had
for this story with Hanoch McCarty,
coauthor of Acts
o f Kindness: How to
Make a Gentle Difference.
“What you do is not done for the
response you see in the other,” he
said. “Remind yourself that you’re
doing kindness because it’s the right
thing to do. When there’s less of a
gap between your inner picture of
what’s right and good and your
outer behavior, you feel great.”
Your validation has to come from
within. “Park your ego at the door,”
he told me.
So I shouldn’t count on someone
else’s gratitude to make me feel
good. Still, I couldn’t help but
wonder what the residents thought
of the potted flowers, or if they even
got them at all.
264 NOVLMBLR
2008 BETTER
HOMES
AND
GARDENS
